MY HEART

Updated: Jan 29



Where can i find the thoughts to think

of even borderlining the explanation of my

unthoughtful sorrowful expression.

Hating hide and seek

because words are hiding and im losing.

Losing the grip on life.

While loosing the tip top pitter pattering of my

my happiness.

Rage's smile melts my heart while

Spilling its contents into my

Frozen mind...

Why can't this get right!?

Patches of hair in my hands

Trying to pull out the misery from within.

The blank screen before me

shows me the life I wish I had - blank

Now, sadness + anger = my name's definition

I notice my perdition is already in existence

when I notice the inevitable reality

which is the unattainable 'my way'


Life laughs in my face :(


"You are such a fool!

No one believes a paradox.

Who ever heard of a light burden?"


"No! He promised me that

He promised me the smooth ocean breeze through the strands... Of... Hair that's already in my hands

....

Hmm

...

No

He promised me peace of mind... But my mind is too cold to think.


Uh"


"Haha - this life is a joke!

No one can live it not even I could"


Get thee behind me satan would seem the easiest to say

But when lies act like truth

It makes the best reality show


I'm having gall juice's freshly squeezed homemade cup of madness

And just like nada builds coins

Nothing makes sense.


Is it so hard to be loved my way?

Its just visible and tangible all the time

Ugh

Please help


Please God just release me from my fate

The probability of my date slate-d to to erase me

Release me from these chains that leash ideas of embracing the grace that erases sinful deeds.


Are you even listening!

Do you even care that the evidence of my sanity is slipping away from my knowledge. Or shall I forever be in bondage?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Chill, there's more to life"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

...

There it is

That still small maker of fools.

Ha... There is more to life? That is what you say?

Yet I feel strangely comforted

Something about that whisper

The undos the unbelief I had typed

And restores the hope my spirit had autosaved.


He makes me realize that there is a desire that is far more desirable than my present desires.

All my efforts are recorded

I'm relaxed.


God mathematically sums a paradox and makes it possible

Pleasure + pride = price to pay

Yet

Selflessly suffering servant = sufficient joy


The truth now becomes the obvious

There is more to life


Now, Peace is my destination

With a one way flight

I walk to the airport of my heart

Searching for my baggage

So they can be confiscated and destroyed

I really don't need any carry ons

Just need my Lord

My soul now weeps

Hope is itching its eyes

And just maybe this hardship

Is my glory in disguise


Written on: November 2015

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